Dear God...

Dear God,

I can’t believe how helpful technology is. Here I am trying to write something for my blog on Word and this impertinent office assistant (the one on Word..you know, the thing who looks like a paper clip) actually has the nerve to say “It looks like you are typing a letter. Would you like some help?” Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to write to you about. Today I managed to surprise myself. I went to church!

Sure as hell (oops..)..I mean heaven I did! Of course I was helped by a lot of other factors. The most important among them being that the service started only at 9.30 in the morning. That I slept early the previous night also helped…What am I telling you all this for? I wanted to tell you about my day at church!

God, you know what, I was just about to enter the church when I saw this angel in white walking in from the opposite direction. You know, I sometimes think you shouldn’t have made angels sexless (they are, aren’t they?). For all the fashionable names they carry (Michael, Gabriel, Raphael ..I don’t know anymore), they aren’t very good at persuading people. Now if you had made them look like the angel I saw today, I would kick Mr. Lucifer’s backside anytime.( If you want further proof, watch Bedazzled to see what looks can do to a man.) In short, this was a great way to start my day at church..Turns out that she was going my way too..No she didn’t tell me that..I don’t think that I am quite the kind of guy whom women would talk to for no reason at all. I guessed it ‘coz she walked past me and my bike and past the church gate. Paradise beckoned and I followed suit.

Didn’t get my usual last seat (You KNOW that I’m a backbencher at Your house). So I did the next best thing and took a seat about 3 rows ahead. The angel I was referring to was sitting across the aisle..no she wasn’t sitting on my near side..that would have been asking for a miracle..she was sitting on my far side and a couple of rows further up..and YES I STILL could see her. Of course once the service began and more people came to occupy the pews, I started to see angels all around. But as usual, they were too lost in your presence. All your talk about ‘Love your neighbour as you love yourself’ has had no effect on humans I guess. Now, if You would have atleast told them to ‘Pay attention to neighbours who pay attention to you’. That would have been more practical, don’t you think?

Beautiful and (maybe) pious angels apart, there were the commoners too..but I got to give it to you..some of these commoners are quite a sight. Take the guy who was sitting in front of me for instance. He had come with his wife and son. Son lil’ chap was fast asleep on poor mommy’s lap and this pious sinner of a husband, who had a handlebar moustache so encompassing and comprehensive that I couldn’t see his face very much, was paying steadfast attention to the priest. Then I could hear music and it wasn’t the guy in the choir who can’t play for nuts. And it wasn’t the kinda music they play in a church. It was one of those childish tunes that go ‘papappapapapa papapapap (that was meant to sound like a tune..I know that you know which one I am referring to)..and this music kept playing..it was a cell phone!!!! Normally your children switch it off as soon as it rings..or they go out of church. But this time, the cell kept ringing..and no one knew where it was coming from. Then the guy next to Mr. Handlebar Moustache started to glare at him. Then I realized that it was our man’s mobile that was ringing!! But the culprit was still staring straight ahead in devotion. A moment of epiphany later, he realized that he was the source of the irritating symphony. So he takes out his phone and stares at it. Now the tune is really very loud..All of us are looking at him from the corners of our curious eyes while pretending all the time to be praying with the priest. I don’t know why he was just looking at his phone. The tune continued to kill my ears and he kept looking at his phone as though it were his wife. Then he tried to switch the phone off. He somehow couldn’t do that. It looked like he could not press the button properly. So he takes out his pen and he tries poking the button with that! It was now about 3 minutes or so since his phone started playing his abominable tune and now all were plainly glaring at him! He started poking quite hard at the button..and finally the thing stopped crying. He put the phone back in his pocket and resumed his lost-in-devotion stance. The old man next to him was glaring at him but the mobile devotee simply paid no attention.

Then there were the usual people…young parents whose cute lil kids kept running up and down the aisle as though it were a racing track even as elders disapprovingly looked on; charming 18-20 somethings who looked more like they were out to lure sinners like me away from my desire to pray; ‘dudes’ who looked like they came out of some clubhouse party..goatees, party shirts, gelled hair, and smacking of deo..and of course, those cute old couples whom I keep seeing whenever I come to see You at church. It really is touching to see two people very well on their way to meet you, walking out of church together. And there also is this particularly interesting looking girl who sings in the choir there. I said ‘interesting’ ‘coz she is not pretty..but God is she worth more than a moment of distraction or two (shouldn’t be taking Your name in vain..especially when talking to You, right?) !!

The mass ended in good time. And if You remember, I thanked you that I was away from home. After all, if I were there, then I would have to spend 3 long hours at your place. It’s not that I don’t like being with You for that long. It’s only that..err..how do I put it..yes! The priest is rather boring there..and we have no choir as yet..

You didn’t buy that, did you? Well, what’s the harm in trying? Hope to be there next Sunday too.

Shain