Monday, July 27, 2009

The Twerp Who Bought The Ferrari

Living during these economically tough times has made me ponder over ‘alternatives’. Though those miserably repetitive and inane news channels have not aired a story on “Just How Secure is Your Job” in the last couple of weeks, my mind has been toying with the question of if not this, then what. In what would probably go down as my bleakest, or perhaps most audacious, thought, I even considered going back to my good old hometown, wear the trademark white sleeveless vest and the lungi, and start a bakery-cum-stationery shop-cum ‘cool bar’.

You could do that, or, if you have just a wee bit of imagination, you could write a self-improvement book.

Go to any bookstore, read any supplement that talks about books, and you will bump your eyes into yet another book that tells you what you apparently need to do to get to wherever it is you are apparently going – and of course, how to make yourself some money while going there.

If you haven’t yet mastered the art of writing self help books, here are a few tips to guide you along the highway to success:

1) “The quality of intention on the object of attention will orchestrate an infinity of space-time events to bring about the outcome intended” – if your language can compare to Greek and Latin, then you are on the way to becoming a writer of self-help books. It doesn’t matter if most of your readers are left with a heavy head at the end of it all. After all, you can’t have a clear head unless your brain is muddled to start off with.

2)Choose an animal or an insect or even an invertebrate – anything that moves- and weave a yarn around that. Dedicate your title to that animal. You already have books dedicated to mice, fish, frogs, whales, elephants, etc. But then there are plenty of species out there. Sample titles could be “ Woof: Canine Wisdom Un-canned” or “Moo-A magical fable about asserting yourself”. Which brings me to point 3.

3)Use the word ‘magic’ or ‘magical’ in your title. Else,use ‘fable’, ‘tale’, ‘secret’, ‘gift’, ‘mystery’ or even ‘fairy tale’. Some of these readers can be really childlike. Using such words will easily win them over. Nothing like a bit of magical fantasy to boost your sales.

4)Use the number 7. This number has been used by many to great effect. “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, “ The Seven Laws of Spiritual Success”, “The Magnificent Seven”, “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers”… the last two, I admit, are movies. But you get the point. Seven is a magic number. Period. Sample these, “The Seven Circles of Success”, “Seven Steps to a Positive You.”

5) Quote some Eastern Philosophy – Indian, Chinese, Mongolian, Babylonian etc. The more exotic the better. However, since these countries would already have been tapped, you might have to really scour your atlas to find untapped countries.

Follow these points if you like. But regardless of what you don’t do, you absolutely must talk about how to achieve your dreams, how to believe in yourself, how to get in touch with the ‘real you’, how to become successful, how to stay positive, and, never forget to talk about how all this will help you make more money. Throw in a chapter on meditation and you are on the way to selling Ferraris, cheese and fish to all the twerps out there.

If you think all this is too complicated, all you have to do is believe in the power of your hidden self! You are Magnificence!

Happy Duping!!


claytonia vices said...

Hehehe! The truth is that most of these personal development books tell us things we already know but needed to be reinforced with.

CuppajavaMattiz said...

Everyman again! It tastes like vintage wine now, the scarcer and the more in demand! :-D

Sumo said... offence, but I m left with a heavy head at the end of this! Is that an indication that u r great at this? :D

R^2 said...

spot on !...we could also throw in the timeline...i.e. 7 ways to get rich in 21 days !!

The Koshy Mostafas said...

Bakery-cum-store-cum cool bar.
I don't think I can quite see you in that lift.
U R right - Self-help books are such rot!
How's your little one doing?

CuppajavaMattiz said...

Watching this space

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