Enjoy the F(l)ight

My stay in Dubai lasted only three days. On the fourth day, after the customary hugs and farewells from my brothers, I was in the airport – waiting for my Air India flight to Trivandrum.

You know what this one is going to be about, don’t you?

A few reasons why more people should fly Air India from Dubai to Trivandrum

1) The flight was delayed by four hours. This gave me plenty of time to contemplate on the nature of the Universe, my role in it, whether the air-hostesses sitting and smoking at the table in front of me were Russians or from some more obscure country of the erstwhile Union, and on whether I should have informed the guy at the coffee shop that I wasn’t part of airport staff. The guy had first told me that coffee cost two bucks, and when I answered that I was a traveler, he promptly hiked the price of coffee to ten bucks! Yup, Air India gives one plenty of time to think.
2) You learn the value of doing things well in time. As I had plenty of time to kill, I decided to do my shopping from the duty-free earlier. So I went and bought a couple of bottles of Scotch for dad, and chocolates and other knick knacks for the rest of India. The lady at the counter asked me if I was traveling Air India and I said yes. She took my bottles away from me and assured me that it would be returned to me at the departure gate. On being reassured by this angel, I handed over my bottles. I would have handed over myself to her care had she smiled once more. Two hours later, I was standing in the queue at the departure gate. Lots of disgruntled Malayalee passengers. “They didn’t allow me to buy liquour! What nonsense is this?!”. “Yes, even I didn’t get any. They said the counter was closed for Air India”. I told them, in a very smug and self-assured tone, that I had got two bottles, and that they would be handed over to me at the gate. They were outraged on hearing this. They called over one of the hapless Air India guys standing there and demanded justification. “He did his shopping early. The counter closed at noon. You should have gone before noon. This is part of Air India’s new security policy.” The unfortunate few grumbled, the fortunate us thankfully got our bottles at the gate.
3) You learn that you don’t always get a second chance. Once we were airborne, the pretty airhostess came with the drinks cart. She came to the “uncle” in front of me and asked him what he wanted. He said 2 pegs of whiskey. She said that he could have three and that she wouldn’t be serving liquor again. He said that he wanted only two and not three. She gave him his two. She came to me and I asked for a peg of vodka and orange juice. She said that there would be only one round of serving and that if I wanted more, I should take it now. I said I wanted only one. Sure enough, an hour later, the uncle pinged for the airhostess and when she came, he demanded his 3rd drink. “I told you so” she said, and refused to serve any more liquor. She went away and left him disgruntled. An hour later, he buzzed for her again. Same question, same answer. This continued throughout the flight. A couple of times later, she stopped bothering.
4) You have live in-flight entertainment. Sure, they were showing a humorous Malayalam movie. But who was watching?? After the alcohol had it’s intended effect on some of my fellow travelers, live shows started. A guy a few seats ahead of me started brawling with a steward. The hapless steward didn’t know how to handle this chap who looked like Shohaib Akhthar –long hair, tight T shirt meant to show bulging biceps and all. The steward tried to pacify him, but this man kept raising his volume through out. A very curious middle aged man had gotten up from his seat at the back of the plane and made his way to the scene. On his way back to his seat, he said “The guy is drunk.Can’t handle his drink. Simply making a scene.” He walked back with an amused look, shaking his head in disgust.

A little later, there was a big commotion at the back. Again, I missed the start. But this time it was no argument. It was a full blown fight – replete with punches missing their mark by a mile, kicks, and the choiciest words in Malayalam and also a few words like ‘stupid’, ‘fool’ and ‘you shut up’ in English. And no prizes for guessing who was one of the two people in the fight. It was the curious uncle who had commented on the earlier argument. Now he was vigorously trying to land a punch and abuse another equally outraged fellowman from coconut land. Once again, we were curious as to what happened, and nobody knew what had really happened.

We finally reached Trivandrum at 9 PM local time. We were to have landed at 5.30 PM.
“I really enjoyed your flight” I told the smiling air hostess as I left. This time, I meant it!